The Joy

Remember that time I got 5th in a 70.3 and didn't qualify for Worlds? No? That's ok. I do. Remember that time I got 11th at Gulf Coast and did qualify? Oh because I didn't tell you! I QUALIFIED FOR 70.3 WORLDS!!!!!! The joy. The sheer joy. Words cannot describe. Deferred Augusta, St. George here I come!!! 

Ironman Coeur d'Alene

June 27th, 2021

First 140.6 distance since IMCHOO in 2019. Oh boy....I wasn't feeling good. I had injured my back multiple times in the 6 weeks between Gulf Coast and flying out to ID. Multiple. To the point I thought I had a bulging disc. I don't actually think that's what was wrong, or still is, but yeesh it had been rough. 2 weeks of no running in the mix, easier rides than planned, and just so much disruption. I thought I would still make it, but I knew it wasn't going to be a PR. 

FAMILY! 

Third season on Wattie Ink Hit Squad which turned into HJ Project. And damn these people are some of the greatest people I've ever met. It was magical meeting them. 

Got an OWS in, got a spin out ride with a recon of the course, and did a baby shake out run. I really felt good. I did. I felt ready. But it all went wrong. 

The swim. 

Beautiful 2 lap lake swim. It truly was stunning there. Idaho was in the middle of a record breaking heat wave, so I knew I wanted to be cold starting the bike. Sleeveless wetsuit it is! First lap was great. Felt smooth and solid. Then the start of the 2nd lap, as I dove back into the water, I felt it. My back. It was my left side instead of my right side. Great. I had no idea what to do other than channel Dori. So I just kept swimming. Finally finished the 2.4 and back was a little better. Hey, let's go climb mountains! 

The bike.

Oh dear I was nervous for this one. It's 2 out-and-back loops. With over 7000 feet of elevation. Yeesh. And hills were what I had been struggling with. Why do I do this, again? First out and back was good. Was spinning it out, didn't feel out of breath, back was ok, and I felt good. Second out and back was great...until my front tire went flat at mile 36. I had been just thinking "man I want off this bike." Not what I meant, universe!! Kepy calm, got it changed, but my nutrition was off, the sun was cooking me, and my game was off. It shouldn't have happened, but such is life. Started the 3rd out and back. Ouch. I truly didn't know how I was gonna do 56 more miles. It was rough. I cried. I couldn't get into small enough gears. I struggled. 4th out and back. Dear God in heaven just kill me. My back was done, my legs were done, but even more scary, my lungs were done. For the first time in a race, I hiked a bike. I had to. I wasn't going fast enough to get up the hill and I was so damn dizzy. Made it to some downhills, caught my breath, and literally coasted to transition. Oh boy. 

The run.

Anothet first. I just sat in transition. Just sat. Questioned life choices, tried to breathe, just sat there. Finally. Finally got going. Had the plan to run 5 minutes, walk 1. Made it 3 minutes and had to walk. Lungs were on fire, back was in spasms, and I couldn't take a full breath. It felt like I was wearing a corset. Wtf?! Who put that there?! Tried to run, but every time I did, HR would sky rocket and I was so dizzy. So walking it was. I had, what I thought, was plenty of time. But I was so hot and tired I couldn't math. Regardless, I kept walking. Cue the leg cramps in addition to everything else. I could see my pace ticking up. Every time I saw my family I burst into tears because they had to wait for me. It wasn't fair. First loop, I was smiling. Second loop, I began to question life. Third loop? I almost gave up with every damn step. I truly have no idea how I kept going. There were no smiles. There was no joy. There was no fun. Finally, I could hear the finish line. Finally. I made the last turn. Tried to run. Nope. Almost fell over the leg cramping was so bad. Stopped, balanced, and "ran" again. The carpet! Mike Reilly! "You are an Ironman!" 

19 minutes. I had 19 minutes to the cutoff. I was DFL in my age group. Burst into tears on learning that. I could give a litany of excuses. There are none. The course beat me. I wasn't ready. I should have stopped. I proved nothing to myself or anyone else and risked further injuries to potentially derail the rest of my season. I was foolish and made bad choices. I am in awe of how far I've come physically and how far I have to go mentally. I will get there. I will. I still can't actually process it and haven't really healed, but hopefully this will help. 

Gulf Coast 70.3

May 15th, 2021

First race!!! I was like a little kid. So damn excited. I didn't feel at all ready. I was absolutely ready to race again, but my training had been so incredibly sporadic with breathing issues and injuries galore. Seriously. How often can I actually hurt myself? Every few weeks, apparently. 

We got to FL. The beach. Serenity. The calm before the storm. I really do love it there, even if it is the redneck riviera. Got checked in, got all my athlete stickers and gear, and got ready. As ready as I was going to be! 

Race morning. "Social distancing." Yeah right. We were packed in transition like sardines! And we had to wear masks, but volunteers rarely had them on. Great. It's fine. It's all fine. Get everything ready on my bike and it's time to head to the beach! We were still doing self seed based on estimated swim time, so I snuck in at 30-35 minutes. Or whatever that one was. Gun goes off, wait a bit more, then me!! 

The swim. My happy place!!! Felt smooth, felt elegant, felt graceful. Everything just felt perfect. Turns out, and I didn't find out until after, but I took first in my age group out of the water!!! I'm glad I didn't know, but hot damn I'm a shark. 

The bike. I love Florida courses. At least in PCB. Pancake flat. So drop into aero and hammer. And I did. It's an out and back, mostly, so I just kept getting distracted looking at the other side, trying to see teammates. Um, woman, how about we focus now and not crash, ok? Yeesh. Last 5 miles. Oh what's up headwind? Missed you. Cruise into T2 and I am ready. 

The run. Now, I've never been a runner. And there has always been something about willingly walking instead of just powering through. But injuries and illness dictated this year that I change my ways. So I knew I was going to be doing intervals. 7 minutes run, 1 minute walk. First lap it worked out perfectly that every walk was at an aid station. Woo! The second 2 laps did not, but by that point, it was effing hot and sunny! So it was fine. I took the extra walk breaks. And then had faster run paces. And a decent overall run! Climbed literally the only hill to come across the line 11th in my age group. So close to top 10! 

After a year of no races and obstacle after obstacle...

I'm back!!!

A Long Time

Goodness, where have I been? Where did the time go? Oh yes. We were in the time space continuum that was the end of 2019, all of 2020, and the start of 2021. I have no words. As a nurse who has struggled and is struggling with generalized fatigue, compassion fatigue, and anxiety/depression, I just want everyone to kind of go away. But that's not a thing, so we keep moving forward. 

I did a few races, so I guess I should work on those reports before I get to the mack daddy of them all. More on that to come. 

List of things from 2020 that can kiss my ass: 

Concussion 

Covid

Long Hauler Covid 

Fractured fibula 

Numerous back injuries 

Shortness of breath 

Thanks for listening.